So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
