Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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