Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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