I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
