I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
