You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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