Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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