I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
