Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
