got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
