On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Im part way to drunk.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize