i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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