I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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