porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
