can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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