Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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