Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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