Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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