I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
