You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
