I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
