Say something about gay babies.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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