Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
