I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
