would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
