I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This is not my ceiling
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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