What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
