Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
