This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
