My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The Olympian is in my bed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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