I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
