Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
