Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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