New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
