YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
