Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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