I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
