I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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