operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
