I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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