She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
