I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There r osticjed everywhere
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
