Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
