Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
