I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
