You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
