I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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