Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize