Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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