My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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