508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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