Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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