Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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