Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
