Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
