never play flip cup with pint glasses
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
