well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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