also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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