Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
