whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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