My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
