Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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