i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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