Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize