where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
