I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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