Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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