Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
