She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
