i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
