I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
