pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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